611. Bon Jovi / 7800° Fahrenheit. 1985. 2/5

All before the tidal wave of super-stardom hit the band following the release of their following album comes Bon Jovi's second album, the fashionably titled 7800° Fahrenheit.
For those of us who were busy growing up in the 1980's, this album passed under most of our noses sometime before 1986, and whereas there was some minor support for it and the band at the time, it was never really something we (or I) cottoned onto. Sure, there was the catchy opening song "In and Out of Love" which most of us caught, made a slight move with, before ultimately moving onto harder material that was out there at the time.

To be honest, that is probably this album's biggest problem. While it has its moments and its fair share of good solid rock songs, it doesn't really excel on any level in order to bring in a high score when it comes to rating it as an album. I can't deny that, if I've been drinking, and someone throws on "Price of Love" I will still raise the fist and start singing along. But that can really only happen when alcohol is involved. Once the very VERY 1980's keyboard and synth beginning of "Only Lonely" starts however, you very quickly get brought back to reality. This song brings back the truth, that this album is firmly anchored to the time by it's very production and instrumental arrangement, let alone the background "vocals". Truly, this song is one that you expect to see cheesy bands playing at high school proms in bad teenage films from the mid-1980's.

Look, it doesn't really get much better. The synth at the start of "Silent Night" kills the song before it starts (not that it could have saved this soft ballad trash. And again - the start of "Hardest Part is the Night". Wow. So very very very 1980's soft metal. Tragic. Then the start of "(I Don't Wanna Fall) To the Fire". More. Does it stop?!?

This really is quite an amazing album. Every trick that was being used in recording music in 1985 can be found on this album - overuse of synths and keyboards, terribly weak and doused-out backing vocals, a complete lack of real guitar strength, and Bon Jovi's lead vocals at almost a monotone level. In 1985 the glam metal scene was being dominated by  Motley Crue, Ratt and W.A.S.P. And they were all doing it better and harder than this. A lesson Bon Jovi soon learned.
To be honest, anyone who gets past the first couple of songs on this album in this day and age is searching for something that just doesn't exist here. Look further up the line, you'll probably find what you are looking for there.